Diary of a holidaying Hebo

Day one

Well today started with Dad waking me up at 4am! (Well actually it was a bit earlier because I had set my alarm for 4 and Dad woke me up before that went off. I think it was because with him being uber organised as usual he’d been up since 3 and was paranoid Lauren and I would sleep in!) Anyway, whether it was 4 am or just before, it was very early! When I got up I was in a daze as you would expect, but I just about managed to tie my hair up and put all my jewels on- my face however I didn’t put on, hence me looking like a five year old hobo whilst I write this.

Just before we left I said goodbye to Mum (who had sweetly got up), Cindy (who hadn’t sweetly got up and looked in more of a daze than me) and Millie. But no CHARLIE!I was really upset because I wanted to give Charles one last hug before I went- I know you’re probably gagging as you read this but I love that cherub so. Luckily however, as I made one last nervous trip to the toilet I noticed a black and white bundle of fluff by the window. Opening the window lock, in jumped Charlie. I then hugged him whilst he looked annoyed and meowed to be fed.

Happy that I’d said goodbye to everyone Lauren, Dad and I jumped in the very cold car at precisely 4.15 am. Dad made one last OCD check of the passports, tickets, money, that Lauren was ok, then we were on our way. As the car started Dad then in the same way he has done for every holiday since I can remember put on the Cliff Richard’s holiday song.

Driving down the motorway Lauren shared a few interesting facts, about people I wont mention, before falling asleep, leaving me to keep myself entertained. I couldn’t sleep APU but luckily Dad had some good tunes on, which he asked me random questions about every so often like ‘do people know how rude Lilly Allen’s songs are?’ and ‘was this song in that film?’ Surprisingly even with this entertainment the journey went quite quick! Dad then took us to check in, where I swear the lady thought me and Lauren were a bit simple. This was because despite me and Lauren being 21 and 23 Dad was running round like we were 3 and 5. After we checked in Dad said one final goodbye, took a photo (I have absolutely no idea why) and we were on our own!

Walking through security we met a very friendly bald guard who really liked Lauren’s phone and the owl that I keep my phone in, saying ‘twit a woo’ when he saw it. Once we got through security (still don’t know how Lauren managed it) we went and looked around the shops. In Smiths we both bought waters, Lauren got the essential copy of Pick Me Up and I got this notebook for £3.99! – I know me spending £3.99 on a notebook! Could get a whole outfit for that in Primy! But I thought hey lets go wild, I’m on holiday after all. At the till there was a bit of drama as Lauren noticed a man had left his card behind. She shouted after him looking very smug with herself that she’d done her good deed for the day. We then found our gate and hopped on the plane.

Lauren behaved herself on take off- no tears and I have been able to sleep for about an hour. I just heard the air hostess say she is going to bring round lunch in about an hour which will be cottage pie- yuck! I think I’ll stop my boring ramblings for now, have a rummage in my bag to see if I can find anything nicer to eat! Toodles! Xxxx

Day two

When I last left you I was worried about the lunch I was going to get and I was right to be! The cottage pie just sort of stuck together in this big goo and on top there was a nice layer of congealed fat. So rather than risk food poisoning, I decided to go to sleep. When I awoke the pie had magically disappeared and there was only couple hours left of the flight. I spent the rest of the journey doing Sudoku ,reading stories in Lauren’s Pick Me Up and asking Lauren questions like ‘how many children did she want to have?’ and ‘who is her favourite Disney character was and why?’. Before long we landed and we again managed to get Lauren through security, find our luggage and the coach to our hotel without any trouble.

On the coach there was a funny man that reminded me and Lauren of Dad because he was asking the driver loads of questions and had loads of energy. After two stops we arrived at our hotel REALLY jet lagged! All we wanted to do was sleep but we knew we had to keep going, so after I unpacked and Lauren had a little lie down we went for dinner at this restaurant called Sizzlers. Lauren just wanted chips and I just wanted chicken so we were right pikeys and only ordered one meal to share! They didn’t seem to mind though.
Once we’d eaten we were both a lot brighter so we went and explored International drive.
On our travels this MASSIVE guy in a Hawaiian shirt stopped us and tried to sell us something but we were both so sleepy that I can’t even remember what it was- not a very good sales person! We managed to watch one episode of friends before falling asleep.

In the morning I went for a run and Lauren watched Junior- I love that film! We then went to this holiday meeting where this guy gave us LOADS of coupons. After that we took advantage of the hotels complimentary breakfast and had a little trip to Wallgreens to get some essentials like toothpaste, shower gel, coke and cookies. On our walk back we had a look at some baby gators at Gator Golf and got harassed by some hobo talking about douching” now we’re back at the room waiting for the shuttle to Magic Kingdom and Lauren has just said we better get organised ( I know shocking!) so I better love you and leave ya xxxx

Day three

So yesterday we went to the Magic Kingdom. We got the shuttle from the hotel and everything was going well. When we got there we had some lunch in main st. USA where no one seemed to understand us! Must have been our posh English accents :p! – Lauren had to say her order three times! Once we were suitably refueled we headed for Adventure Land where we went on Mum and Dad’s favourite ‘The Jungle Cruise’- filled with mega cheesy jokes! Pirates of the Caribbean was next, where we me and Lauren enjoyed a sing song to yo ho! After that we went on Splash Mountain, where we were reminded of Mum’s traumatic experience. Then we got spooked on the Haunted Mansion and went to Fantasy Land. At Fantasy Land we went on It’s a Small World and tried to guess all the countries. However after England and France we got a little confused and gave up. Then we went on Snow White’s Scary Adventures for Lauren and skipped along to Tomorrow Land. In Tomorrow Land we wanted to go on the scary alien ride but it had been replaced with this Lilo and Stitch one. It was still good but no way as scary as the alien one. Our last ride of the day was this really funny interactive Monsters Inc Comedy show. It was very clever as the monster’s picked on members of the audience! Luckily me and Lauren weren’t picked on as we all know how traumatic I find that bit in the Nutty Professor! As the show came to an end every was go going so well, there had been no queues so we’d been on more rides than we planned and we had allowed plenty of time for the shuttle- or so we thought!!!

As we strolled back to the monorail station we casually watched one pass by ‘no worries’ we thought ‘we can get the next one.’ Then we heard the words that will now always haunt us ‘next monorail 15 minutes.’ Hearing those words we looked down at the shuttle timetable and saw that the next shuttle came to get us in 15 minutes! – We’d never make it on time! In a mad panic we tried to work out where the shuttle pick up from Epcot was as that would give us an extra 15 minutes. Sadly, due to the staff not understanding us yet again we were misdirected and ended up missing both shuttles. The next shuttle wasn’t for another three hours, so by this point I was starting to et very worried. Lauren however remained eerily calm. We tried to hitch hike another shuttle but the drivers were not having any of it. An hour of sitting in the car park passed and we felt like we were in the film Open Water. Neither of us thought we’d ever see the hotel again. Then like a mirage in the desert we saw a bus that went to international drive! Our prayers have been answered! – but we weren’t in the safety zone yet! The driver said we weren’t allowed on the bus as we had no change! By this point I seriously thought I was going to cry. Every passenger we asked for change merely stared at us blankly. The final passengers got on the bus and we still didn’t have any change but then in a weird twist of events we actually got some good luck. The driver said we could ride the bus for free! It was more crowded than the underground at rush hour, I nearly fell over like a million times and there was a distinct scent of B.O but the journey wasn’t too bad. – I would have rather been anywhere then that car park by that point. The bus came to the end of the line at Sea World and we needed to catch another bus to our hotel. CRAP! We still didn’t have any change. The bus driver (aka the nicest man in the world) then gave us the tickets we needed for the other bus for free! I was so close to kissing him but I thought it would be safer (and definitely more hygienic) to just say I loved him. A twenty minute bus drive later we were finally back at our hotel! (well a five minute walk away from our hotel.)
On the final leg of our journey from hell I got to stroke a baby alligator called Sophie when we walked past Gator Golf! – things were starting to look up! That night we had another tasty dinner at Sizzlers and we fell asleep early all set for a stress free day at Animal Kingdom tomorrow- or so we thought!

We woke up uber early the next morning determined not to miss the 7.35 am shuttle. But as we waited outside the hotel 7.35 came and went- not again Lauren and I dreaded. When it was 7.45 I asked what was going on at the reception. The lady said the driver was running late but was definitely on his way. As it turned 840 wasn’t convinced. The lady then made another phone call and a full hour and 10 minutes late our driver turned up. He was from the Bahamas and so pervy he made pervy Ray seem like Cliff Richard. He took us the weirdest way to Disney; we barely followed a main road on the entire journey. Some how though we managed to arrive at Animal Kingdom in one piece- shockingly me and Lauren decided not to tip the pervy driver. The first ride we went on was Finding Nemo The Musical. It was cheesier than a freschetta cheese pizza but it made us smile. We then went on the Everest roller coaster- best roller coaster ever! Well that’s what I thought anyway! Lauren wasn’t so sure as she is turning into a bit of a woos in her old age. After that we enjoyed lunch by the Tree of Life and started to finally relax. Strolling through Africa we jumped on the Kilimanjaro Safari which was much better than I remembered. It had literally every animal you could think of! My favourite was the cheetahs but Lauren liked the crocodiles. After the safari we watched the Festival of the Lion King- definitely the best show! When they were singing ‘can you feel the love tonight’ I seriously got goose bumps! Lauren and I then headed back to Dinoland where we went on the Dinosaur ride which Lauren thankfully didn’t find quite as scary this time. After the Dinosaur ride we mooched around a few gift shops and took a few final photos before going back to the car park to get the shuttle- we were taking no chances today! And very surprisingly we hopped on the shuttle stress free, no waiting, no drama, no nothing! Yay!!! I’m currently waiting for Lauren to finish off in the bathroom before we head out for dinner. Tonight we are going wild and eating at the Ponderosa with one of our many many coupons. Lauren’s out of the bathroom now debating whether to wear shorts or not so I best be off. Adios xxxx

Day four

Today we shopped till we dropped- literally! We are both currently lying on our beds atm watching this film called Baby Mama, unable to move! We got the I-drive to the mall first thing in the morning, all set to hit the shops. However, to go along with the theme of the holiday, we had a little difficulty with the transport and we ended up at the wrong mall. So, after a quick toilet stop we got on the right bus and arrived at the correct mall! As soon as we got there we went straight to Forever 21. Lauren bought a few things and so did I. To be precise I got-
• Two cardigans
• A jumper
• Three tops
• A jacket
• Two bracelets
• Four necklaces
• Four rings
• Two bags

HOWEVER, before you judge me too much one bracelet, two necklaces and one bag were presents so it not really that much when you think about it. An hour and a half later we were ready for lunch so we got a sub from the food court. Ready to hit the shops again we went to get Dad’s jeans from Levis. This was very easy as Dad has worn EXACTLY the same style of jeans for the past hundred million years. We did joke about buying him some skinny ones instead to see what he’d say but then we thought it best not. A few shops and dollars spent later we got the RIGHT bus home and here we are. I’m not sure where we are going for dinner tonight but I think we are staying local because we are sooooooooooo tired- hence my gibberish! Tomorrow we are going to MGM studios or Hollywood studios as it is now called so I’ll look forward to filling you in on all that drama! Ciao for now! xx

Day five

Hello there, last time we spoke I was very tired after ALOTTA shopping. Once I finished writing yesterday Lauren and I prettied ourselves up and went to our now ‘regular’ Sizzlers. All the waiters now recognize us and are very friendly. My favourite is one that sounds like Yoda. He always makes sure my drink is filled up and that I have plenty of ketchup- what more could a girl want? Finishing our tasty meals Lauren and I decided to do a little late night shopping- I know as if we hadn’t done enough that day! On our travels we found a cool gift shop right near our hotel playing the hippest tunes. They were so good we didn’t want to leave! But after four songs and a lot of random photos we thought we better go. The sales assistant seemed to be getting a bit annoyed that that despite being in the shop all that time we had only bought a 99 cents tinker bell pen. a few more photos and a trip to Walgreens later we scuttled along home as Lauren was starting to get sleepy- it’d been a long day for her. When we got home the Break Up was on but neither of us managed to stay awake till the end- I know so rock n roll.

Today we had ANOTHER early start scooched (scooched copyright by Lauren) our hinnies to Hollywood studios. In a shocking turn of events the bus came to get us on time! Halleluiah! As we pottered from the bus stop to the park we watched an extremely hyperactive man try and get people to take part in Disney’s latest attraction ‘the American idol experience.’ The guy got three people who wanted perform in front of their judges. We then voted for the best one and they got a chance to win a real American idol audition. As he jumped from person to person like a rainbow coloured jumping bean me and Lauren were very careful to avoid his glance- although I think Lauren should have done it, but that is another matter! Safely undetected by the American idol man we doodled along to my all time favouritist (note I no that is not an actual word) ride in the world, Terror Tower! We didn’t have to queue so within moments we were on our next roller coaster Aerosmith. Slowing down the pace we then mosied down to the ‘Walt Disney one man’s dream’ ride. This was actually very good! I never knew how sad his life was! And I don’t care what Sam says, I think he was a truly lovely man! We then caught the next showing of the Little Mermaid musical by the skin of teeth. Singing ‘under the sea’ we then had lil mayhem on the Pixar Midway Madness ride, where we had to compete against each other to see who could shoot the most Toy Story targets. Lauren ‘technically’ won but I think it was a fix. After all that hoonany we were well and truly ready for lunch! This we munched on at the backlot express café where chatted about people at home- no bitching honest! We then leisurely meandered to the next showing of ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ This was just as good as I remembered still can’t believe how good the dancers are! The movie ride was next which was not only very good but nicely air-conditioned! Suffering from shopping withdrawal symptoms it was time to hit the gift shops. Lauren spent, lets just say a LONG, time umming and ahing over whether or not to buy a Mickey mouse toy. After picking up every single Mickey in the shop she finally found one she wanted and to follow suite I treated myself to a Minnie. A stress free shuttle ride and a few rude pictures of our Mickey and Minnie mousse later I decided to have a little write. (hence me being here writing) Lauren has just said we better get to our hotel bus stop so I better wrap things up. Tonight we say we should try somewhere new for dinner but I expect we will end up at Sizzlers again- if it aint broke why fix it? tomorrow we are getting educated with a trip to Epcot. Aurevoir! Xxxx

Day six

Greetings! Well today we visited Epcot. Luckily the bus drama to the park was kept to a minimum, as although the Indian driver was clearly insane, talking, doing hand gestures and laughing to himself throughout the entire journey, we still arrived at Epcot unskaved. Once we were off the mad mobile we went straight on this ride called Spaceship Earth. This was very because it took your photo and put you in your own custom designed future. Back in 2009 we then scallied our way to the Soarin ride where you feel like you’re flying over California. This was really fun, although in the queue I thought I was going to vomit several times listening to the cheesiest American dad repeatedly tell his daughters how much he loved them and how special they were.- am I getting too cynical? It was then lunch time so strolled along to the showcase plaza where we were nearly attacked by the tamest (and scariest) squirrels ever! I completely agree with Carrie Bradshaw now when she says squirrels are just rats in cuter outfits! Surviving the animal invasion we took a stroll round all the countries. In Norway we went on this v. cold water ride, in morocco Lauren had a little dance and in the united kingdom we went in a telephone box and listened to this Scottish band with a singer who looked like Pierce Brosnan. We then went on this simulator called Mission to Space. I was given the role of pilot and Lauren was given the role of navigator- I know we were doomed! This ride was definitely an experience as they hit you with all this g force so you really feel like you’re in space. (or so I imagine!) on the ride felt very worried when I saw that there were sick bags and even more worried when it started and Lauren said she wanted to get off. As the ride we continued we both started to enjoy it- although I don’t know if I would go on it again. After that experience we both wanted to go on an easy ride so we went on The Seas with Nemo and Friends. here we were taken through the ocean as we tried to find Nemo. This was very nice as after the ride we got go look at some pretty fishes and a manatee (it only had one fin but I didn’t hold it against him.) We then popped into this gift shop where Lauren got stuck into this book abut sharks- I know she is so cute!

Tearing Lauren away from the gift shop we then went to the innovations centre where we watched this funny comedy show about Velcro (maybe you had to be there.) Lauren particularly enjoyed this show as the host was Louis Theroux’s double! After the show we were both given free Velcro frogs (I know shocking something free at Disney!) it was then time for home. I am currently writing this on the bus as Lauren has a well earned catnap. Tonight we are going to the internet café before dinner as last night it was closed and we had to go to the most rubbish one ever where you see what you were typing and it deleted and added random letters, on top of being very expensive. This resulted in some very hickeldy pickledy messages! Tomorrow is our last day 😦 so we are going back to the Magic Kingdom. I really want to get my photo taken with at least one character but the queues are always so long, so I guess we will just have to what happens! Asta la vista xxxx

Day seven

Well last time I wrote in here I told you Lauren and I had high expectations of going to the internet café before dinner so we didn’t have to return to the poo one. However, after getting ready watching Jurassic park- again I love that film! We were sad to see the internet café was still closed! When we asked the same large man, that we saw on the drive on the first night who had tried to sell us things, why it was closed, he said the owner was having surgery!-I no how inconsiderate! The large man then proceeded to give me five (my hand still feels unclean), ask me where my dress was from and tell us that he would look after us. He said he would protect from ‘the weirdos.’ We didn’t take him up on his offer for some reason and instead went to Sizzlers for dinner where the waiter knew my order by heart. After dinner we had a nice walk along the strip- I know so romantic! On our walk we found a new gift shop with a kind Indian man who said he would give us an extra 10% off anything we wanted in the store. However, apart from some Laurie stickers nothing took our interest so we left the shop empty handed. When we got back to our hotel I went on the internet and sent Chris another jumbled message- they are so bad that he thinks I’m drunk when I write them! Lauren and I then chuckled along to the Americas got talent semi finals and an episode of family guy before I fell sound asleep!

Today we got up early AGAIN and trotted back to the Magic Kingdom. We had the same bus driver as the day before and I am now convinced he is Schizo. When we arrived we wanted a ride to cool us down so we went straight to Splash Mountain. Soaked, we then squelched our way to the Peter Pan ride. We then went to Toon town where we had a nose around Mickey and Minnie Mouse’s houses. We were surprised to find that they didn’t live together but glad that Minnie had maintained her independence despite being a couple. We then shot back to Tomorrow land where we revisited the Monster’s Inc Laughter floor. This was just as funny as the first time as they added some new jokes. By this pint we were both ready for lunch so we toodled along to fantasy land and found a nice shaded spot to eat after Lauren bought some fries from friar’s nook. Gobbling our lunch we met a very nice duck (much nicer than the evil scary horrible squirrels at Epcot!) who I fed some of Lauren’s fries. Re-energised I then persuaded Lauren to let us go back to Toon town so we could have our photo taken with Minnie and Mickey. I look a total spaz in the pic but I don’t care as I finally got a photo with a Disney character! and not just any character the two best ones! – yes I know I’m21. it was then time for the dream parade which me and Lauren had a sing along to before taking one final ride on the Pirates of the Caribbean. Making our farewells to the park we jumped on the monorail and successfully achieved another stress free journey to the car park! Yay! In the car park we met an English man who thought we were Australian and had a good old guzzle from the water fountain. Lauren is now having a nap on the bus as I write. I’m not sure where we are going for dinner tonight but i’ve got a feeling that it might begin with s! tomorrow we head back to sunny old England. I want to try and squeeze a quick game of crazy golf in before we go but Lauren doesn’t think it is a good idea as I get too competitive and we are not packed at all so I guess we will have to see what happens. Tschüs! Xxx

Day eight

Today was the last day of the holiday boooooooooooooo! Can’t believe how quick it has gone! But I guess that shows we were having a gay old time! I got up very early today, partly because I wanted to try and tire myself out so I’d sleep on the plane and partly because I was paranoid we’d sleep in and miss the fight. Once I’d dragged myself out of the cosy hotel bed I went for final holiday run and came back to find Lauren awake. After a much needed shower (sorry TMI) Lauren and I had breakfast for the last time at the hotel buffet. We then finished off our packing watching another funny episode of the Golden girls and learnt another moral lesson from another excellent episode of Saved by the Bell. The cleaner then threw us out of our rooms so we hit shops of International Drive. Lauren bought a very cool neon purple nail polish and I got a funky zebra print ban the bomb wallet and mascara. Hungry from the hectic morning we decided it was time for lunch. So guess where we went for our farewell meal….yep that’s right SIZZLERS! Luckily the lunch time staff weren’t the same as the dinner staff so it wasn’t too embarrassing us returning yet again. The meal was delicious APU and we enjoyed munching on it as reminisced about the highlights of the holiday. As the time was ticking on we thought we should be getting back to the hotel to ensure we didn’t miss our shuttle to the airport- we definitely didn’t need any more bus drama this holiday. When we got there we were pleased to see two other couples waiting for the shuttle too- we knew we were in the right place! As we waited we watched the funniest American soap Days of our Lives (the same one Joey is in, in friends.) the time the shuttle was meant to pick us up came and passed and Lauren and I began to get a horrible feeling of De ja vu. Just as panic was really about to set in we thankfully saw the shuttle! A full ten minutes late mind!
On the bus Lauren enjoyed a little sleep as I gazed at the sights of Florida- which was mainly motorways and fast food restaurants. A hop skip and about an hour later we were at the airport. The lady who checked us in was really nice but the guy on security gave me the worst evils and was really staring at my bag, I don’t know why. However, despite this we got through to the departures lounge where Lauren bought a pretty ‘very Lauren’ purse and two magazines. Before we knew it, it was time to board the plane so we stumbled on and made ourselves comfy for the 8 and half hour flight. One hour and forty minutes later here I am writing away. The flights been okay so far but there is quite a bit of turbulence so they keep putting the seat belt light on. This is V annoying as it means I can’t go to the look (again sorry TMI). I think they are about serve dinner which smells about as nice as the meal on the way out here. Fortunately this is what Lauren and I expected so we’ve brought our own supplies. I’m just about to get stuck into Lauren’s copy of Pick Me Up and read a story called ‘dying coz of my skinny jeans diet.’ So tally ho xxxxxxxxxxxxxImage

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