Day one
Ok, well my travels have well and truly started. I was woken up at the extremely early (or extremely late depending on how you look at it) hour of three am by Chris’ alarm clock. After five minutes of grunting and moaning he dragged himself out of bed and went to have a shower. I meanwhile tried to go back to sleep, but there was this really annoying fog that kept going off so I sought of fell out of bed.
Once I’d managed to stand, I went straight to the kitchen to feed Kitty and Mika in their (despite popular opinion) perfectly sized tank. I then got ready in my clothes that I had carefully screwed up into a ball the night before, scraped my frizzy hair back and put on some jewels. Chris put the final items in the suit case and then actually said to me we should get going- I know who’d think I’d turn Chris into the bossy one!
Trying to tiptoe out of the flat I slammed my bag into Veronica’s room and almost dropped all my luggage as I made one final frantic check for the passports. Safe in the knowledge I had all the correct documents (and I’d made as much noise as possible) I drove Chris and I in my baby Kiki to my parents’ house. On the drive I got most excited when I saw a fox, a little less excited when I had drive through the scary fog and even less excited when I had to drive up the recently gritted road terrified that I was going to hurt Kiki. Luckily she remained unskaved and as we drove past Esvees Chris received a worried call from my dad as we were a shocking three minutes late.
Panic over, my dad loaded up the car, put Cliff Richard’s “summer holiday on’ and we were on our way. On the journey myself and Chris got to hear my dad’s weird and wonderful views on the world. These were most interesting and slightly shocking for Chris when he discovered how in depth my father’s knowledge was about certain people’s actions. Chris then got my dad’s favourite questions about his job and then the obligatory conversation about football- I’ve got to admit at this point it was a definite struggle to remain conscious but some how I made it.
We then arrived at Gatwick airport where my dad kissed and dropped us off (kissed me btw not Chris because that would just be weird) Chris then insisted we waited to wave my dad goodbye but he sadly just drove by in his own lil world.
Checking in there was an awful lot of confusion over who could do speed check in and who could do normal check in. Particularly with a really cute old couple in front of us, who even though have got up at least four am and were just going on a plane were dressed so smartly. The man had a shirt, blazer and a tie and the woman had a chic suit on and very neatly coiffed hair- this made me feel even more great about my frizzy hair and jeans look.
Once the check in kerfuffle was over Chris and I managed to slip through security and start the hunt for some breakfast. A few ‘I don’t minds’ which led to ‘Chris I seriously don’t mind just pick somewhere’ we ended up at garfunkles. Chris munched on a full English breakfast and I recaptured my youth with a bowl of coco pops. Chris said his breakfast was “overpriced, the mushrooms were tinned but the company was fine” (pass the sick bucket: P) oh and the coffee was “good.” A quick trip to the loo and it was time to go to our gate where everyone got up to stand in a really long queue. Once the queue had gone down me and Chris got up and hopped on the bus to the plane where we were lucky enough to get seats at the end- according to Chris this is the safest place to be because if the end snaps then something something- sorry I switched off after I realised I got the window seat.
As the plane took off Chris showed me Southsea, the IOW, where he went to college and where I worked. Chris then read a daily mail he found on the floor (cheapskate) whilst I enjoyed another amazing copy of pick me up. I then treated Chris to a cup of coffee before I had a nap on his lap- I’m a poet and I know it ;). Chris has now finished reading pick me up and we’ve only got twenty minutes till landing whoop whoop! Until next time toodles xxxx
Day two
Last time we spoke it was twenty minutes from landing and I was about to tend to a restless Chris. Well a couple of Ali questions later like ‘do you believe in aliens?’ and ‘what do you really think of Pick Me Up?’ it was landing time. This was pretty painless minus few popped ears and screaming kids. We then made our way through security and started the hunt for our baggage. This took thirty minutes too long for my liking as I stood contemplating the horror of not being able to wear all my Primarni holiday buys. However, considering I had been up since three am I managed to remain relatively calm- well calm for me any who. Luggage safely in tow Chris told me we had to get a bono so we could get on the Titsa- I know you couldn’t make this stuff up! But this wasn’t as exciting as it sounds as this was actually just a ticket for the us to our apartment.
When we found the shop to get the bono from it had a ‘back in fifteen minutes’ sign so I waited by the shop whilst Chris went looking for where we had to the Titsa from. When I was waiting I had the joy of listening to a group Spanish people blowing vuvuzela in some sort of protest- I thought I’d left that behind in Southsea. Just before I was about to hit boiling point Chris came back and said it was twenty minutes until the next bus so we should buy some group to take on the bus with us. Hearing this I through a toilet trip was definitely in order and when I got back Chris had managed to get a couple of bonos! For lunch Chris bought a chicken baguette and I found a tuna salad- perfect apart from the fact there were no knife and forks! I tried taking some from the café but I looked too guilty so the man told me off in Spanish. Not fancying fishy fingers I went to burger king look for some cutlery but no such luck and when I returned to find Chris he had started waling in the opposite direction. Thinking this must be because were approaching bus time I rushed to catch him up- in fact he was walking off because he had stolen a knife and fork for me from the café- I know what a rebel! I was even considering not writing this down as I was worried this could be used in evidence when he is arrested for such a heinous crime!
A couple of bus stops photos later our bus arrived and Chris and I happily ate our lunch as travelled through the hills of Tenerife. My salad was very yummy – especially with my illegal knife and fork! Chris’ lunch was “quite pleasant, generous helping of chicken with tasty peppered mayonnaise.’” The bus took about on hour to our first stop where we had to wait another half hour for our next bus. Feeling brave I decided to venture to the shops to get some water and some much needed diet coke at the bus stop. This was a very successful mission, even though I did nearly get run over twice. The next bus trip only took half an hour and we were dropped off at the apartment after a very pleasant air conditioned journey. Once we check in we noticed a guest book which we couldn’t see Chris in but we did see a coupe from Waterlooville- I know small world!
Reenergized after a lie down and clean after a shower we went looking for dinner. We moseyed around a few restaurants but ended up going to a pizzeria where an Italian version of liquid man invited us in. Chris had a bowl of canary style potatoes for starter which were ‘salty, sumptuous and spicy in the red pecan sauce’ and a gigantic pizza was “fucking huge.” The dinner was fairy uneventful apart from when the Italian liquid man spilt Chris’ beer on my white jeans! Chris was alright though because he promptly brought him another beer but nothing was done for my jeans :(. We then took a wonder to the promenade where we saw a man painting with all these spray cans, a lady who was breastfeeding a kid that could walk and talk and a man that said he recognised Chris.
After all that excitement we decided it was time for ice cream so we went to this cute Italian restaurant were we were served by a chubby man with a curly moustache. He was pretty friendly until I asked if instead of whipped cream could I have an extra scoop of ice-cream and he said ‘no this would be like swapping chips for steak’ Then I don’t know if Chris slipped some extra Euros or if he just felt guilty when he saw my face drop but when he brought our ice creams he said he would give me some extra ice-cream. I was most pleased as the ice-cream was delicious and Chris’ was ‘tasty but dissapointingly small in comparisons to Ali’s after she fluttered her eyelashes at the man and got all the extra scoops.’ – I don’t know what he’s talking about: p after eating our yummy ice creams and watching some fireworks we started the walk home.
On the walk I made the mistake at looking a little too long at a purse on the street leading to the man trying to sell me the purse and begging me to say a price. A few awkward giggles later I managed to escape and we found the apartment safe and sound without getting lost. The same cannot be same for when I tried to find the apartment after my run the next morning where I discovered a lot of the roads to our apartment look exactly the same! Luckily I arrived home just in time to wake Chris up before he had too much sleep. We then made breakfast together and I made the HUGE mistake of accidently knocking Chris’ toe on the fridge door- he is still going on abut the pain now! Thankfully the pain subsided enough for Chris to walk down to the shop to get some essentials like coke and apples. Chris is now asleep by the pool and i’m contemplating reading my ok or having a nap decisions. Ciao for now xxxxxxx
Day three
Well last time we spoke I was debating whether to have a nap or read my book. In the end I did neither, as Chris woke up and it was time for lunch. I had some white ryvita for the first time and a particularly juicy apple. Chris had a ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato and peppered sauce baguette that was “crispalicious” followed by a coconut yogurt that was’ a little bit sweet and debatable as to whether it actually tasted of coconut” after lunch we went back to the pool where we played back gammon and pairs- Chris won back gammon and despite what he says I won pairs. Chris then had a lil swim and I started reading Lucky that Rhian so kindly lent me. I then had a shower and started getting ready for the eve whilst Chris looked at some maps and drank sangria. We then trotted down to the promenade where we found a cute fish restaurant. The waiter through we were German- this is the third time this has happened now so we are getting a lil worried.
At the restaurant I had some very yummy sword fish and Chris had sole wrapped around king prawns in a white wine and cream sauce, this was “quite delightful, the prawns were big and succulent and the lemon sole was accompanied by a slightly salty but none the less delicious cream sauce. “After dinner we mooched around a few shops and took a couple of photos until we had to go home because Chris needed a wee. When we got home we enjoyed a coke and sangria on the balcony before we galloped off to bed. In the morning I went for a run in the hills and saw vets, some botanical gardens and LOTS of lizards. I then had some breakfast and watched the Disney channel whilst Chris went to get some lunch and investigated getting a hire car. When he came back we decided today was the best day to go to this zoo called Loro Park. So we got a VERY bumpy train and a few near death experiences later we were there.
So far we’ve seen the gorillas, planet penguin, a sea lion show, a dolphin show (this was slightly tainted by Chris telling me the whole way through how cruel it actually was) it still looked pretty though. Btw we are waiting to watch an orca show so I better wrap this up now as I think it’s about to start. Adios xxxxxxxxxxx
Day four
Hola! – see i’m really getting into the Spanish spirit now. well you’ll be pleased to hear that the orca show I was just about to watch last time we spoke made me feel a lot less guilty than the previous dolphin one. This was probably because instead of telling me cruel stories, Chris was telling me how he loved killer whales when he was little and I kept thinking about what happened in sea world with the evil killer whale. After the show we had some lunch in Kinderland, I had some crispy chicken ryvita again and Chris had a couple of muffins that were ‘squashed but nice and moist’ and a ham and tomato baguette that was ‘nice but a bit soggy’ probably because it was stored at the bottom of my bag- not the best food conditions. Then after white tigers, alligators, meerkats ( you know how much he likes them) a few more pictures of things that said Loro for Lauren it was time to go home. Luckily the trip was slightly less bumpy and I amused myself by asking Chris some more ‘Ali’ style questions like ‘what’s your favourite xmas food’ and ‘if you were on a desert island who would you take with you?’ with all that excitement and walking around Loro park we decided to have dinner at home that night so on our walk back we popped by the Hyper Dino to get some supplies.
By the time we’d walked back to the apartment we were both pretty hot and sweaty (nice) so we went up to the pool for a bit. I read some more of my book and had a nap whilst Chris had a swim. We then got cooking dinner, I had some fish that I don’t know what it was but it still tasted pretty good and Chris had a starter of calamari that was ‘tender but the batter was a bit loose’ followed by a main of prawns, peppers, onions and tortillas that were a little too spicy thanks my over exuberance with spice and the ratio of peppers to prawns was uneven.’
Whilst eating dinner we watched the world cup final of Spain vs. Holland. I actually managed to remain interested by asking lots of questions about lines men, referees and different premierships. However, after the second half of extra time I hit my limit and went out on the balcony to read my book. But half way into my first chapter Spain scored the winning goal and everywhere went made with fireworks and vuvuzela so I got a bit distracted. Plus, Chris said we should probably savour this moment as it will never happen in England.
After a good nights sleep I woke up bright and sort of early for another fun run in the hills. Today I saw a hello kitty shop a fountain and a lot of Spanish flags. When I got back from my run I had a refreshing shower some nutritious breakfast and some delightful conversation with Christophe. We are now at this pool complex on the front where the pool has salt water instead of chlorine. Lying opposite me there is a really skinny brown man with a grey beard and black sunglasses. Next to him there is a man with a rather large beer belly and gappy teeth. Even with all that eye candy I think I might try and have a nap then read some more of my book byesy booo xxxxxxxxxxxx
Day five
Well, like I said after the last time I wrote i had a very nice- very hot- nap. So hot in fact that after it I decided a swim was in order. But as Chris was happily eating a cheese and ham baguette that was ’enjoyable and much easier to eat than the previous baguette due to hyper dino’s fine bread selection.’ And an apple that was ‘crisp and juicy’ I went for a dip on my own. This was pleasantly refreshing and when I came out I was nicely cooled and ready to read my book. But just when I’d finished putting on my sun cream and got my book out someone decided they wanted to go for a swim now. I was not too mad though because on our swim Chris gave me a tour around the pool and told me about the little people that came out of the caves at night to clean the pool- i’m not sure how true this account was however.
After the amazing tour and commentary I went back to the sun bed and started reading lucky again that was so good that I finished it there- a fine recommendation by Rhian. A leisurely nap later Chris had had enough sun so we walked back to the apartment. When we got back we noticed the TV had been fixed so would watch English channels- yet” so we then enjoyed a particularly humorous Simpsons where apu becomes a father to octuplets and ends up putting them in the zoo. Once the Simpson was over I had a bath and got ready for the eve. I decided to wear the dress Natalie got me for my birthday as I thought it had a distinct Spanish feel to it. Chris and I then went hunting for somewhere to eat and on our travels we saw a very funny car was with the sign express lube so the obligatory Facebook photo was taken.
A few more funny photos later Chris pointed out a Mexican restaurant he went to before called ‘Poco Loco’ and said it was very nice so we decided to go there. It was really cute and I felt like I was in the Mexico part of Epcot at Disney world. I happily ate some chicken and salad whilst Chris gobbled up burritos y enchiladas which was ‘a refreshing change to the usual fajitas I would order and the burrito was very tasty. Although much debate did ensue about the cheese within it. And the guacamole was first rate.’-anyone would think he was Gregg Wallace! At dinner we were joined by a white cat that was adorable but I was slightly fearful that it had fleas. Then when we walked back we saw another even cuter cat that reminded me of peter no tail on account of its lack of tail.
When we got back Chris had his usual sangria and we went to bed. In the morning I went for another run and saw many sites, including a particuarly skinny man, an XXL shop and a college of languages. I then came back and had a nice shower and some breakfast with Chris. This was very funny as we were watching a Jeremy Kyle entitled ‘I’ve cheated12 times why don’t you trust me.’ This then led to much debate about what friends we would imagine being on the show. After all that fun I then carried on getting ready and Chris went to pick up our rent a car from reception. We then had a really fun – not scary at all- drive to El Tiede (Tenerife volcano) on our drive we stopped off at lots of places for photos including this visors centre where there were A LOT of lizards. One even came up on my foot which did not impress me but Chris found it very funny.
Once we’d seen the volcano we drove down to los amerces for lunch and we had our usual, me chicken ryvita and Chris a baguette, some muffins and some crisps that were ‘very enjoyable especially with the addition crisps to my sandwich’ following lunch we were all set for a walk along the beach. BUT five minutes into our walk this big fat black African lady started flirting with Chris. One minute she was going on about how Russian he looked and the next she’d grabbed me pinned me down on her chair and was giving me corn rows! I tried to get up but she kept just pushing me back saying ‘your man will love this’ Chris meanwhile was standing laughing his head off saying how good it looked. The laughing flirting soon stopped though when the lady asked Chris for 55 Euros. Chris was like no chance and even when she threatened to phone the police, cut my hair off and curse me he didn’t budge so luckily she EVENTUALLY let me go.
After all that drama we though we should call it a day and thanks to my amazing navigation skills we didn’t get lost once. Chris has just eaten a whole plate of calamari that was ‘a bit soggy but on Ali’s advice to cook it for longer It did improve slightly and we are just about to eat some fish so I better stop writing or Chris will get hungry and mad.aurevoir xxx
Day six
Hello! Well after the fish that I munched on last time we spoke that Chris though was a ‘little rubbery and lacking in flavour’ we watched a little TV then decided to go for a night time swim which albeit slightly random was most enjoyable. This morning I had a fun run in the sun and ended up giving Spanish person directions to the botanical gardens. Going on my directions they are probably still hunting for them now. Chris and I then watched another episode of Jeremy Kyle over breakfast. Today’s one was called ‘I’ve proved I’m not a cheater now I’ll prove I’m not sleeping with my mother’ before going to shop for some food for lunch.
At the shop the lady was really funny with me because I didn’t have any change- bitch! But Chris just thought it was funny. After making our lunch we then sett off for some shopping in Santa Cruz in Miki (the name Chris has called our rental car because it is a Micra and it reminds him of Kiki) we made it to Santa Cruz in relatively goodtime but this was kind of counteracted by the fact that it took like an hour to get parked. But finally after some very skilful and slightly illegal driving by Chris we found a space. We then had a mosey round some shops and Chris was very patient and even gave some constructive input on the outfits I tried on. In the end I just got this top that said navy on it- despite knowing that every time I wear it my dad will make some stupid comment about Chris.
After Chris’ good behaviour round the shops I rewarded him with a trip to the beach and a cream that was a ‘good choice by Ali and hit the spot’ I then started reading He’s Just Not That Into You which made me chuckle lots- another good choice by Rhian- and had a relaxing nap before Chris had sand in places he couldn’t imagine so we decided it was probably time to leave the beach. We then drove home and didn’t get lost again! Chris then enjoyed an episode of the one show and learnt all about dreams whilst I got ready. Chris is now ready and we about to have a final drive in Miki to so ciao for now xxx
Day seven
Gutentag! Well last time we spoke Chris and I were just about to set off for dinner. We ended up in this cute Spanish restaurant where you ate in this court yard. It was really pretty and there were all these plants everywhere that made me feel like I was in the rainforest café- although I’m not sure that was the look they were going for. The waiter was quite funny too because when I went to one of my many trips to the loo he got chatting and asked me where I was from. When I said Portsmouth he said ’oh yes I know it well it’s so beautiful the north of England.’ Luckily the restaurant food was better its geography knowledge and I had a delicious piece of lemon sole and Chris was very pleased to finally have some paella- sadly I can’t write his review today as he is currently asleep and I don’t think he will be best pleased I wake him up but going on his facial expressions when he ate it I think he enjoyed it muchly.
After dinner we moseyed around the square and I bought a beautiful Fendi bag- Chris thought it was beautiful too until he realised that we now only have thirteen Euros to keep us going for the rest of the holiday. Thankfully after I told him how much of a bargain it was he started to come round- well sort of. When we got home we popped the telly on and who did we see…non other than Cindy’s vet noel! The program was very good although I couldn’t help but get annoyed when a family said they couldn’t afford the op and noel did it anyway- where was this generous side when it came to Cindy’s £7000 op!? After Noel we watched a film called Dan in Real Life that was quite funny albeit slightly cheesy and unrealistic in parts. We then watched this documentary about these little boys doing these really hard assault courses which ended up sending me to sleep.
Today I went for a…. yup you guessed it a run. However this run was particularly fearful as I was literally seconds away from getting run over. You can see however I survived came home to enjoy breakfast with Chris and another lovely episode of Jeremy Kyle. Today’s title was a bit sadder though because it was about all these kids that had disabilities like one girl who had alopecia. There was a happy ending though because she got a nice wig at the end thanks to saint Jeremy. After all that TV we went for a walk along the promenade and mooched around the shops. I ended up buying some souvenirs but nothing too exciting before we both started to feel sleepy and came home. When we got home Chris had an interesting lunch of a turkey baguette and a tortilla with melted cheese. Again sadly I cant write this review as he is still asleep but he gobbled it up pretty quickly so I’m taking that as he liked it.
I then had a nap that Lauren and Natalie would be proud of before finishing ‘He’s Just Not That into You’ and starting ‘Ps I Love You’ which from what I have read so far this definitely better than the film like Rhian and Helen told me. Now I’m just sat on the balcony debating whether to wake Chris to entertain me or carry on reading my book. Mmmm what to do. I’ll let you know how I get on either way. Asta la vista xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Day eight
Ok so I decided after reading a lil more of my book to go and disturb Chris. Luckily he wasn’t annoyed and happily entertained me. Chris then ate some self frozen yoghurts that were “nice and surprisingly successful” – albeit slightly out of date and some muffins that were “magnificently moist and majorly moreish” I then faced much debate as to whether wear a belt or not with the dress I was wearing to dinner. I ended up going with a belt- against Chris’ advice. We then trotted off to dinner at the same fish restaurant we went to the dinner the other night with the funky roof. I had some gorgeous stone bass and Chris had some veal (I know how politically incorrect) that was “succulent” and some Canarian potatoes that were “excellent, although the moho pecan sauce was decidedly non pluce.”
Then as it was the final night we went and treated ourselves for ice cream at café de Paris. My ice cream was the nicest ice cream I’ve ever eaten- and as anyone who knows me knows I have eaten a lot of ice cream! There was this really dark sauce, loads of honeycomb, chocolate vanilla and Caramel ice cream- ah I’m getting hungry now just thinking about it! Chris had a similar one but his had coconut instead of honeycomb and lots of whipped cream. He said it was ‘worth the wait full of caramel and nutty goodness’ everything was going so well and after a leisurely walk home Chris settled down with a sangria and we started to watch Dragon’s Den. However, our relaxed eve was about to come to an end when I suddenly realised and I didn’t know where my phone was.
After a lot of manic hunting around the apartment and a few call attempts my phone was no where to be seen and (some may even more importantly) neither was owly! Chris decided to run back down to the restaurant whilst I waited in the apartments feeling like I was in a horror film when the girl gets left alone imagining that any second some maniac with a knife was going to pop out and kill me. Fifty scary minutes later a much sweatier Chris returned sadly phone and owl less. However, after my previous scary fifty minutes I was just pleased to see him in one piece. A little more manic hunting later we resound ourselves that my phone and owly had moved on to a better place and we should probably to bed. We then both got up bright and early the next morning and tried to put the trauma of the previous evening behind us with some breakfast and GMTV. It almost worked too as there were many a funny moment as they talked about how bad English tourists were and we were even pleased to hear it had been horrible weather in the UK whilst we’d been gone- little did we know that this might come back to haunt us- but I’ll get back to you about that a bit later.
Once we’d finished our breakfast and packed our final essentials we wondered down to the bus stop as the road works meant the bus couldn’t get to us. We then faced a scary ‘I don’t think the bus is going to come’ ten minutes before the bus did finally chug up to our stop- few! The drive to the airport then went by in a flash for me as I enjoyed a happy dose. I’m not sure how quick the drive went for Chris though as my doze was rather awkwardly on his shoulder. When we got to the airport we realised we’d been a little quick with our smugness over the bad weather in the UK as our flight was now delayed by an hour as a result of this. Hearing this I though the best thing to do was to have another sleep. During my sleep I had a very happy dream that I hadn’t lost my phone and everything was ok but when I woke up I was very sad to discover that this was but a dream and my phone was still in fact lost. In an attempt to overcome my grief I wondered around a few shops, took a few photos with a sombrero I found and before I knew it Chris said we’d better go through security.
Going through security was pretty effortlessness although the lady did get a bit funny with me because I was apparently taking me too long to put my belt back on. After Chris and I looked round a few more shops and Chris ate some choc bananas and almonds covered in white chocolate that were ‘fanatically free and very yummy’ we found out our flight was then more delayed. About an hour of annoyed waiting later we finally boarded the plane and we are now 32,000 feet in the air.
The pilot has just said we should be in England about six so fingers crossed the traffic won’t be too bad we won’t be home too late- hopefully! However, even with this slightly dodgy end the holiday has been fantastical and I have loved being with my Christophe- pass the sick bucket now. Anyway the trolley dollys are just to come past want to buy a water so I better love you and leave you byes xxxxxxxx
alanaburnett 