Menorca Madness

Day one 23.09.11


Chris and Ali’s Spanish adventures have well and truly begun! It all started at the ungodly hour of 1.30am, when we were awoken by Chris’ disco-style alarm tone, from his antique phone.  After grunting and slowly dragging himself out of bed Chris jumped into the Chris then grunted the shower.                                       Less concerned about my bodily hygiene, I enjoyed another ten minutes of sleep before I too crawled out of bed and threw on some clothes. Chris munched on some Lidl cereal for breakfast/midnight feast, whilst I squeezed some last minute essentials in the suitcase and triple checked we had remembered the camera.

Successfully closing the suitcase, I got the car and waited patiently for Chris. To my surprise (and delight) Chris was ready a minute early, so we began our drive to the house of Hebbo. During the journey we listened to a range of Capital’s top tunes (including my personal favourite at the moment by X Factor’s One Direction.) Singing away before we knew it we had arrived at the Hebbo House where, just as I had expected, Dad was waiting outside despite us being a full two minutes early!

A quick wee and magazine steal later we were on the road again listening to, housewife’s favourite, Cliff Richard. The journey was full of Dad’s normal gossip, interrogation and catching up on the latest past times of the Lovedean massive conversation. However, the conversation was significantly shorter today given our amazingly quick journey thanks to the new Hindhead tunnel – the same tunnel in fact that Christoph and myself had photographed for Life in Haslemere magazine.

Arriving at the airport myself and Christoph checked in effortlessly, despite Chris’ fears I had gone over the 30kg weight limit in our suitcase- I don’t know what he was worried about our suitcase weighed a mere 29.2 k.

After checking in I bought a few drinks in WHSmiths before we started the torturous task of deciding where to get Chris a coffee. Closely inspecting EVERY food and drink outlet in Gatwick airport, Chris FINALLY chose Costa because as well as a cappuccino they sold a “deliciously moist” blueberry muffin.

A bit of general moseying around later it was time to board the flight- well we actually still had like an hour but I thought you can never be too careful! Sitting on the plane I fell almost straight asleep – ignoring the really uncomfy seats, the really noisy baby and the really bumpy take off. Waking from my slumber it was time to land – which like the take off was quite bumpy!

Still in one piece, Chris and I stepped out on the runway and were greeted by the blazing sun – lovely! We then experienced something even more lovely than the sun, when we got to baggage collection and Chris and I almost instantly found our suitcase – whoop!

Welcomed by a Thomas Cook rep we were then directed to our coach for the hotel. Reenergised from my plane nap I was in the mood for some questioning so I asked Chris many delightful questions, including; his top most good looking male actors, where sees himself in ten years and what he’d be doing now if he wasn’t in Menorca. Noticing Chris was losing the will to live I decided to leave him alone for a bit whilst I read an array of exciting stories from Pick Me Up such as, ‘my boobs keep getting bigger.’  After the nervous drive wondering which hotel we were going to get dropped off at we were relieved to find out our hotel looked very nice – few!

Making such good time in the hotel coach meant we were actually too early for our room check in.  So as Chris lay on the sofa, I did a little rekey of the hotel. On my travels I discovered a pool, a supermarket connected to the hotel and a pool table that Chris is insisting we will play on- however given my competitive nature I’m not sure this is a good idea.

Room ready I unpacked, read a some more Pick Me Up (this story was about a mum unsure whether or not to buy her daughter a dog) before Chris and I had a little wander round the marina. Here we found lots of potential eateries, as well as a selection of supermarkets for essential supplies.

Walked out, we came back to the room for a snack before heading out for a walk on the cliffs by the hotel. These were v pretty although I’m not sure my flip-flops were the most appropriate footwear choice as I did nearly fall and break my ankle a good few times!

Another stop at the room for some sun cream reapplication, we headed down to the pool – where I am now. I’ve met three V cute black cats, although I’m slightly wary of stroking them, given the rabies/flea risk – but then again I stroke Lauren I’m sure I’ll be fine.

Tonight we are prob going to head to the Marina for food before having an early night. I’m not sure what tomo’s adventures will entail but I’ll be sure to keep you informed.


Day two 24.09.11

Salut! Well last time we spoke I was sat by the pool with a V sleepy Christoph. After writing my diary I decided I was in much need of a pedicure and a manicure so I went back to the room to paint my nails a v pretty corral Barry and a lilac Tesco nail polish.

Nails prettified I sat on the balcony to complete a few Pick Me Up puzzles – oh yeah I’m wild. Half way through a particularly challenging arrow word a curious Christoph joined me. Suitably reenergised, Christoph was more than happy to help with the arrow word and in no time we had completed it!

A few more puzzles later I thought it was probably about time I had a shower. I then made myself look a bit more human with the application of make up before Chris and I went and hit the Marina.

Moseying around, we stumbled across a v cute bar with these big comfy white sofas. Here I guzzled down a rather large coke whilst Chris drank an equally large San Miguel. Chris said this was “nice because it came in a frozen glass and a lot better once I realised we were getting our change.” – I must explain the change comment. You see Christoph got slightly annoyed in the bar when he thought the bar man had mistaken his change as a tip. Thankfully however after much groaning the change/tip was returned to Christoph’s wallet.

Hydrated we began the search for dinner and landed upon a cute restaurant called Avanti. Christoph munched on a plate of squid, which he enjoyed as it, was “a Menorcan speciality.” I chose my signature chicken, which was also quite tasty! After dinner we decided it would be nice to have some ice cream. But so we could walk off our dinners and experience more of the Marina we thought it would be cool to go to a different restaurant from the one we had just eaten in.

However, after dragging Chris around EVERY single restaurant in the marina I thought that actually the best place for ice cream was our original restaurant. So much to our waiter’s confusion we returned and ordered a chocolate sundae (with extra chocolate sauce) for this toffee paradise thing and me for Chris, which he said, was ”very nice even though it was quite small. But this was quite adequate given the large main.”

Returning home and popping the telly box on we watched that really weird prog with the Irish man that dresses up as a woman; I think its called Mrs. Brown’s Boys or something. Tired from our 1.30 m start we both then fell swiftly to sleep.

In the morning I went for a v hot run and bought some cereals (fruit n fibre for me and sugar puffs for the honey monster).  Breakfast eaten we hopped across to the neighbouring hotel for our welcome talk, presented by three Sarahs. There was Sarah the main travel rep, who despite being Welsh and a little annoying was fairly normal. Sarah two, the entertainment rep, who was EXTREMELY annoying and patronising – this was made even worse by her slightly psychotic ginger side kick wearing a dread lock wig and calling himself Rusty Lee. Then there was Sarah 3…. The most peculiar of three because despite being our sun safety officer, she looked like an old leather bag that had been put under a sun bed gone to the dessert and back under a sun bed. – Seriously she made Morgan Freeman look pasty!

Despite the surreal nature of the meeting, it was quite helpful and told us where to hire a car, the best days for the market and the nicest beaches to visit.  Holidayed up by our meeting Chris and I hired this funny Flintstone style bike thing for a ride. The ride was well (even with Chris trying to scare me by nearly crashing into cars) until we heard a thud of thunder and a crack of lightening. The heavens then well and truly opened. Luckily we managed to park up very close to a row of shops, where we bought a few supplies and gazed at the tacky assortment of souvenirs.

Once we finished looking around Chris reassured me that using his expert meteorical knowledge, he was sure the rain was going to stop in exactly five minutes. We just wad to wait under the shelter a little longer before making our escape. Hearing the rain splash down I was less than convinced. True to his word the rain did sort of stop after five minuets and we rode happily back to the hotel – well almost happily, it was slightly annoying when the man in the car thought it would be funny to speed up and splash us with the puddle just moments before we had reached our final destination.

Back at the hotel we BOTH had a nap – I know a nap, me? Who’d have thought it?  Before making some lunch. Chris had a pepperoni and crisp sandwich. I’d love to give you a review of it but as I write this, he is snoring away so I think its prob not a good idea.

Lunch over we did a couple more Pick me Up Puzzles – I am honestly addicted! And headed downstairs for a game of pool. Un-surprisingly Chris won, but thanks to his tutoring and his turning a blind eye to my, lets say bending of certain rules, I didn’t lose quite as bad as I could have.

Tired out from the competitive sport we came back to the room so Chris (as previously mentioned) could snore his socks off whilst I wrote in here. I think I’m probably going to read my book now before beautifying myself for tonight. We are thinking we’ll try this posh looking Harvester, so I’ll be sure to give you a full review tomo. Ciao Bella!

Day three 25.09.11

Bonjourno!  Well after my last entry I began to read some of my book (it was a toss up between one that Hayley had lent me bout a snowman and one that Gina lent me about murderers – I went with Gina’s in the end), which was most interesting. So interesting in fact that before I knew it Christoph returned and it was beautifying time (me not Chris – his came later!)  Prettied up we wandered down to the marina for dinner.

We decided to go to this restaurant called Picolos in the end because Chris was v intrigued by the rather large stone baked oven and the rather cheap sangria. However, despite this initial pizza attraction Christoph ended up ordering this funny dangly pork kebab which was “nice even though at first I thought I’d made a mistake by not ordering the rather impressive looking calzone” – I can see where he was coming from as the calzone did look good, it even made the O Sole Mio one look small and if you’ve ever been to O Sole Mio you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about ‘wink wink!’

After dinner we had a little mosy around the shops, where thanks to the front cover of the daily express we discovered England was experiencing a record-breaking heat wave-typical!  Hearing this news we trundled off home, where a slightly tipsy Christoph let a slightly mischievous Alibob paint his nails – I’m still not quite sure how I convinced him!

Impressed with my beautician skills Chris then let me apply a full face of make up. Sadly Chris was less than impressed with this as he said he’d wanted to look smouldering and not like a drag queen – however I do think this was near on impossible!

Feeling the need to man up, we then watched match of the day where Torres did a particularly naughty two-footed tackle and Peter Crouch looked even more lanky than normal. Football and makeup excitement over we fell straight asleep.

Today I went for another fun run in the sun – well it was fun until I took a slightly wrong turn and ended up by this skanky looking house and had a very horror film esque feeling to it. Thankfully I managed to run my way out of it in one piece and arrived home safely.

Home, I had a much-needed shower and an even more needed bowl of Fruit n Fibre before Chris and I set off for a game of crazy golf.  Unfortunately my crazy golfing skills weren’t up to there normal standards, with the odd 8 and even 11 score slipping in! – I blame the different climate!  But I even with these shocking scores, I still managed to win the game – largely due to my fluke hole in one and some selective scoring by Chris.

Gleaming with golf success we walked back to the hotel to relax by the pool. Here I found some Spanish celebrity gossip magazines. These were still rather entertaining as even though I couldn’t really understand many of the words, I still enjoyed the pics – I tend to do that in the English ones anyway!

Magazines read, I had ANOTHER nap (I know crazy days) before returning to the room to write in you!  Tonight we are going to get the bus to Ciutadella. It is said to be V romantic and have tasty seafood restaurants. I am a little anxious given my past bus holiday experiences but fingers crossed we will be ok! Adios xx

Day four 26.09.11

Gutentag and welcome to the fourth day of the holiday! Well last night Christoph and me set off for our Ciutadella adventure. As previously mentioned this involved getting a bus – a prospect I was slightly wary about. Waiting at the bus I tapped my toes with trepidation.  Luckily the bus arrived just five minutes late – few! And a short trip later we were in Ciutadella.

Ciutadella was very pretty, with lots of historic buildings and cute little shops- including one particularly smelly cheese shop with lots of different pungent cheeses that Chris got much enjoyment from sampling.

Finishing moseying round the shops and taking pictures with the historic buildings we popped into the square to go into the square to get a drink. I got a refreshing coke while Chris got a Pina Colada– a Pina Colada he pretended was for me because he thought it looked gay.

Refreshed we began the hunt for dinner and came across a cute fish restaurant down one of the historic alleys. I had a v yummy sea bass while Chris had a HUMUNGOUS bit of veal that “simply melted in the mouth.” This wasn’t his first choice, initially he wanted paella but they couldn’t do this for one person, then he wanted lobster but he then realised this be £50!

Munching on our grub we spoke about a variety of topics including the death penalty, voting and racism. We were so engrossed in conversation in fact that we barely noticed the time until I started having some PBA (Pre Bus anxiety) Chris then promptly got the bill and we walked to the bus stop. On my way my anxiety lessened as I remembered our hotel receptionist reassuring us, that despite it being Sunday, the bus would still come every half an hour – how wrong she was.  This is because when we arrived at the bus stop we noticed this one had a completely different timetable to the one that the hotel receptionist had given us and said we’d actually missed our last buss – uh oh spaggetio!

Luckily our concerns were relatively short lived, as there was an array of taxis that were more than happy to take advantage of two slightly lost looking tourists.  A few Euros poorer we arrived home to see said hotel receptionist. The big man Chris is (and not one to be taken advantage of) he gave the receptionist a v nasty looking evil- but to be honest she was so busy chatting I don’t think she noticed. Back at the room we sat on the balcony for a bit before watching a bit of TV and falling straight to sleep.

I then awoke at 5am bursting for a wee but I was too scared to go because I was convinced there were burglars in the bathroom. Unable to hold my wee any longer I woke up Chris and told him to come and get me if I didn’t come back within two minutes. Thankfully after searching the bathroom I discovered there were in fact no burglars and what I actually heard was the noisy northerners next door getting ready to leave for their flight.

Suitably relived I went back to sleep. In the morning I woke up for another fun run. On route I researched the different car hire places, before returning home to Chris with my findings. Satisfied with our choices, Chris then went to get the car, trusting me to make the lunches.  I was v impressed (even if I do say so myself!) by my ham, tomato, butter, and baguette creation – with crisps on the side for added crunch!  Chris returned with keys for Toya (our Toyota Aygo) and we were one our way.

Our first stop was El Torro at the top of this mountain. Here we admired the impressive view before looking in the pretty church. Our second stop was Fornells.  Thankfully there wasn’t a race of Matt Furnells living there, instead some pretty historic buildings and coves- the coves did however remind me slightly of the horror film the cove but I guess that was to be expected.

Driving around the island a bit more we stumbled across Cala galdana. Here there were lots more caves and trees so we decided to stop here for lunch. Chris is currently enjoying a nap (snoring away apu) so I think I might read some more of my book. Tonight I think we are going to stay local for dinner and tomo we are prob going to see the market so I’ll let you how we get on! Toodles xxxx

Day Five 27.09.11

Hey there!

Well day five is upon us and lots of exciting things have happened since we last spoke. Shortly after my last entry Christoph and myself enjoyed some wildlife watching. I saw a rather lively snake (for which Christ awarded me five points) then Christ spotted two Germans wearing some explicit budgie smugglers (for which I awarded him no points as I found the whole experience rather disturbing.)

David Attenbourgh moment over we explored some more of Cala galdana and came across some beautiful coves and beaches. Cala galdanared out we hopped in Toya and made a quick stop at Lidl. Here we bought lots of strange and unusual things, including; some very reasonably priced Sangria and some nice juicy pears – no innuendos please!  We then scooted home for a rest before hitting the marina for dinner. During our rest I managed to lock myself in the loo for the second time and Chris had to come and rescue me for the second time – I’m sure he’s just holding the door shut so he can have a break from me!

Free from the loo, we headed out for dinner at the buffet restaurant (as recommended by an Irish lady Chris met at the car hire place) There were an array of foods to choose from with everything from Parma ham to sea bass to pork to calamari to pizza to chicken to veal – I could go on…Chris had pretty much everything making four trips to the buffet – plate full every time! Whilst eating I got the chance to meet Chris’ Irish lady who went on to tell me how lucky I was to have a charming man like Chris – to be honest I thought she was welcome to him, I jest of course: p The lady was so chatty and friendly that at points I thought she was actually going to sit down and join us! – Her husband wasn’t quite as friendly (lets just say he made a certain mother in law look like Carole Smiley!)

After dinner we had a little mooch round the shops where Christoph was v impressed I could understand the Spanish broken ticket sign for the fruit – I didn’t get a C in GCSE Spanish for nothing!  The sales assistant was slightly less impressed with Chris’ Spanish responding in a northern accent “what you on about?”

Lost in translation we wandered back to the hotel where Christoph drank a whole jug of Sangria whilst I painted my nails – Chris didn’t want his done this time. Knocked out by Sangria, Chris then fell straight asleep (shortly after I followed) In the morning I went for yet another run before coming home to jump into a refreshing shower. Christoph however wasn’t so lucky as within seconds of his shower the water stopped, leaving Chris with nothing but the remains of our mineral water to bathe with.

Sort of clean we then drove to Mao to see the market. This was most fun although I was left slightly anxious when I saw the cornrow people out in force – luckily there were no repeats of Tenerife hair curses! After the market we had a look round a few shops before stumbling upon a bakery where Chris ordered a funny spinach, tuna, nutty pastry thing which he assured me was nice  – despite its slightly mouldy looking appearance.

A few shops later, we got back in the car and made our way to our next stop of Binifade. En route Chris noticed a vineyard that gave free tours (and samples) so we decided to have a looksi. Here we learnt all about how different wines were made and Chris enjoyed trying a selection of jellies and wines made by the vineyard.

A slightly sqiffy Chris then drove us to Binifade. Where we found a cute cave (I know that sounds like an oxymoron but trust me it was!) to site and have our lunch. Munching away Chris had lots of fun feeding the fish in the nearby bay. I didn’t have as much fun because they turned their nose up at my rice cakes, which Chris said, said a lot. Whilst in the cave I managed to hurt my rib in exactly the same way my mum did on her holiday in Greece- silly Hebbos!  It didn’t hurt too much at the time but now feels like a right ball ache! – Or rib ache rather.

Driving home we made one last stop at a cave in Cala en Porter. Here they had a really funky nightclub that Chris and me are debating going to on the last night. Back at home I had a big of Tenerife de ja vu when I lost my phone – thankfully this time it had just slipped under the car seat but for a moment I was still left feeling VERY scared (as was Chris).

We are now just about to head off to head off to Cala Blanca for dinner before enjoying some island exploring tomorrow for our last day in the car. Byesey bye x

Day six 28.09.11

Okey dokey pig in a pokey, its day six of the holiday.  After we last spoke myself and Christoph headed swiftly off to Cala Blanca for dinner. On arrival we searched for the restaurants so highly recommended in Christoph’s guidebook to no avail.  On our search we did come across however a restaurant overlooking the sea which tempted us. And when we discovered they did paella for one we were sold!

Waiting for Christoph’s paella we enjoyed the rippling waves and the fish – Chris particularly enjoyed the fish. When Chris’ paella finally arrived it didn’t disappoint filled with prawns, peppers, muscles and numerous other delights. (It looked so nice in fact that I even had a nibble.) Chris is asleep AGAIN so I can’t give you his full review but he did say last night he really enjoyed it (the Ciutadella meal is still his top meal of the holiday however).  Dinner finished we had a little walk and noticed the restaurant had some pet parakeets. We tried talking to them but sadly they weren’t in a chatty mood.

Bird watching done we drove back to the ranch, Chris then guzzled Sangria and watched some telly before falling quickly to sleep. This morning I went for… yep you’ve guessed it another run which was quite a mission as on the way back I wanted to get my fruit n Fibre fix. Three supermarkets down I hadn’t found it and just when I was about to give up the Fruit n Fibre fairy looked down on me and I found some in Julia’s supermarket – I don’t know who Julia is but she seems to have quite a few supermarkets in Menorca.

Arriving home, I had a quick game of sudoko on my phone (seriously I am addicted now) whilst Chris enjoyed a lie in before jumping in the shower. Unlike the two previous days the water didn’t turn off and Chris too got a much-needed shower. Clean and fresh we jumped in the car and made our way to Cala Morell. Here we found lots of caves that looked like great potential Grand Designs projects.  Searching the caves we bumped into the same couple we saw at the vineyard and had an awkward small talk interlude.

Caved out we set sail for our next stop at Saint Galdana (the beach we had noticed on the third day.) On arrival Chris did his normal granddad moaning when faced with sand. The moaning soon deceased however when Chris noticed the large amount of topless women on the beach – I’m not sure if there was a correlation. Lotioned up we went for a little paddle in the warm water. Here Chris’ mood improved further when he noticed the shawls of fish that were also in the water.

Tired from all the fish excitement, Chris is now having a nap and I think I might joining him. I’m not sure where we are going tonight but I know we have to give the car back so tomorrow will be a local day before going home boo urns! Xxx

Day seven 29.09.11

Wah wah it’s the last day of the holiday L and I am most upset. However, since my last entry I have had lots of fun times so I’ll get on and tell you about them. After I tried to have a nap but couldn’t, I decided Chris couldn’t either and made him come for a swim with me.  This was lovely and refreshing because as well as being clear, the water also had lots of fishes to look at – you can imagine how much Chris liked that!  Chris liked it so much in fact that he continued to swim even when I had left the sea.

After my swim I was ready for my nap so I had a nice little sleep, whilst Chris went snorkelling. On his snorkelling adventures Chris said he saw my dinners for the next three months. He also entered a nice cove where he almost crashed into a couple of canoeists. Snorkelling adventures completed we made our way to the beach where Chris got this weird cola chocolate lolly which unsurprisingly didn’t taste all too great. It was then time to go home and after removing half of Cala bala and Galdana beach from my hair we went out for dinner.

Not much deliberation later, we went to a steak house where the maître d looked like Robert De Nero. This likeness inspired us to play the celebrity look alike game – celebrity spots included Deidre from Coronation St, Des Lynam, Nicole Scherzinger (in ten years time) and lots of Spanish versions of Greg Wallace. Even though we went to a steak house, Chris went for the alternative choice of sea bass a choice that the waiter congratulated him for (Chris is feeling v pleased with himself btw as every meal of the holiday so far – apart from the buffet- he has been congratulated for his choice of food).

Full from dinner we had a quick boogie by this cheesy live band before coming home. When we got home all the English channels were broken but there was this funny Spanish channel playing their version of stars in their eyes. On it they had a really good Lady Ga Ga and a not so good J LO with humungous bazonkas. Stars in their eyes over I fell asleep before being awoken again in the middle of the night convinced there was someone in the room. Chris was again all too happy to be awoken by me at this ungodly hour and made a pig like grunt to reassure me that there was in fact no one else in the room.

Today I had another quick run before coming home a nice refreshing shower. Chris wasn’t so lucky as our water problem returned leaving him unable to bathe.

A clean me and a slightly smelly Chris then went for a walk along our local beach where in addition to lots of women going topless who really should be we saw lots of pretty villas.  A little more walking later me and Chris started to feel too hot so we took a short cut through a park and some other holiday complex to get home. We are now at the pool and Chris is enjoying a singsong with his ipod. I might have a quick nap before hitting the shops to use up the final Euros. Tonight we think we are going to go to dinner at this cute restaurant on the beach next tour resort.

Asta luego xxx

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