The not so happening Happn date

So, I’ve told you about four and there are still plenty more…

To mix things up I’ll take a break from Tinder and tell you about a Happn date.  Sadly, despite the name it wasn’t a ‘happ’y experience.

For those less tragic than me and that aren’t familiar with Happn, it has quite a romantic concept. The app shows you guys you’ve crossed paths with, then you click on the ones you like and then like Tinder, it shows you who you’ve matched.

I was introduced to this app by my London friend, where I’m sure you cross paths with an array of hot guys… Unfortunately, where I live in Southsea this much more rare.

However, whilst having a flick through one Sunday morning, I did come across quite a cute guy. We’d apparently crossed paths with a few times in the last week. Not only was he cute but he was also a lecturer at Portsmouth Uni, good job tick. He was Irish (the hottest accent ever. fact!) tick tick.

Soon after matching he sent a standard “hey, how’s you?” followed with the usual “Where are you from?”. He then made a not v funny joke, but at least he was trying…half a tick.

So, when he invited me out for a coffee at Nero in Gunwharf that Saturday, I quickly agreed- I could think of worse. Ways to spend my Saturday afternoon than with a hot Irish lecturer.

Sadly, my excitement was a bit premature and arriving at Gunwharf I was looking around outside when I saw him. Tick, he was there on time. Cross, he was wearing a blazer with jeans and shoes that my dad would wear – this guy really was going for the lecturer ‘not so chic’ look. Not wanting to write him off straight away I looked pass the clothes and happily went over to introduce myself. Unfortunately, this didn’t go great either as when I said hello, he went in for a kiss, I was sort of looking away, he stumbled…it was just plain awkward! Desperate for a distraction from the kissing fumble, we both then rushed into Nero.

Of course, like all coffee shops there was a queue. The perfect space to break the ice with a bit of conversation I thought…my date didn’t agree and instead stood there mute. He didn’t respond well to questioning either as despite best attempts at conversation he responded only with one-word answers.

After what felt like hours, we finally got to the barrister and I was in desperate need for a coffee! However, my date wasn’t and any hope I had of maybe a bit of caffeine adding some excitement to this dire date soon vanished when he ordered a decaf, no milk, no sugar coffee- wow this guy really lived on the edge!

Things didn’t improve when we sat down. I drank my caramel Americano whilst he sipped the most boring drink ever. I tried my best to salvage the date with conversation starters, flirting, even questions about football. Sadly, he wasn’t having any of it and after seriously the longest hour of my life I had to make my excuses and leave.

Surprisingly, when I made my excuses he seemed genuinely shocked and upset that I wanted to cut the date so short- did he honestly think the date was going well?

Despite his disappointment I stuck to my guns and drew the date to a close.

I’m not such a fan of the Irish accent anymore.

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