Lovely little Lauren’s Lanzarote Hen


Day one


The hens have safely arrived in Lanzarote! The adventure began at 12.40am- yes that’s right am! When my alarm awoke me from my approximately two-hour sleep. Sticking to my usual airport beauty regime of scrape your hair back, brush your teeth and chuck on the comfiest clothes you can find, I thought this would leave me with plenty of time for the 1am pick up. However, my ever so friendly and prompt taxi driver decided to arrive at 1245am instead. So, after a very quick, and slightly panicked clothes application, I was sat dressed and set to go in the taxi at the impressive, even if I do say so myself, time of 12.50am.

The next stop was Gina, who was again a little shocked at the early arrival.   Lauren was next, before Helen and two rainy stops in Lovedean for Natalie and Mum. Everyone aboard, the hen party could truly begin with the distribution of Mum’s embroidered personalised party bags. The hard work, months of worry and carefully chosen fabric had all been worth it, with everyone thrilled with their bags.

On the wet and windy journey to Gatwick, we discussed the most high brow of topics, covering everything from the Bake Off to our packing choices and before we knew it we’d arrived. Our friendly prompt taxi driver took us directly to our terminal and even trusted us enough not to pay him until we got back – he obviously hasn’t heard about Natalie’s history. With no luggage to check in, we headed straight to security. Here to our surprise Lauren sailed through, as did Natalie but mum and I were searched – they were clearly blondists. Helen also had a bit of a kerfuffle resulting in them confiscating her conditioner – the cheek!

Safely though security we then had some time to kill. With no shops open and the effects of having just two hours’ sleep starting to kick in, we enjoyed a much needed sit down. Our energy was then given a perfectly timed boost as we were joined by the final piece to our hen party puzzle, Jeanie beanie! Coincidentally, this was also when the shops opened, so we all trundled off to Boots to gather some plane supplies. Water, low fat sarnies and of course Lauren’s obligatory holiday brownie in tow, we then had a little mosey around Mac for some equally important make up supplies. Here, Lauren treated herself to a new lippy and Jean got some very special brushes. After a quick pit Prêt a Manger stop, toilet trip and a holiday selfie it was time to go to our gate. Choosing our seats we thought it would be best if I swapped with Jean who had one by herself. 1.because she wanted to chat to mum 2.because no one should be inflicted with an Ali plane ride interrogation.

A short Sudoku and sleep filled trip later we were in sunny Lanzarote a million miles (*not actual distance) from grey Gatwick all set for our holiday. Unfortunately, I got split up from the rest of the party ‘accidentally’ as we left the plane, with them taking a bus and me going through a dark tunnel. To my (and I think their) delight we were reunited at passport control.

We then faced the task of finding our transfer, which as the price was only £2.77 each way; it did seem worryingly too good to be true… Thankfully our worries were unfounded and after a little chat with the friendly information man we were directed to our bus. It was then just a short walk and a lovely air-conditioned bus trip before we were at Club Montana. A little early for check in, we grouped in the one ready room and logged on for some WiFi action. Logging on was easier for some than others, but with the help of a little tutorial for the, let’s just say older, guests we all managed to send our required WhatsApps and check how many likes our selfie had received.

Social media fix done, we walked to the shop for some room necessities, for me this was Pepsi Max and apples, Lauren this was water, Parma ham and brownies and for Gina it was almond milk, squash and a lemon. Suitably equipped, we went back to the hotel to eat some food – given that we got up at 12.40am, I’m not sure it was lunch, Dinner or what but it was tasty all the same. However, Natalie must have looked at the bar lady funny, as I swear she had to wait a good 20 minutes for her toasty!

Lauren, Helen and Natalie then fancied a bit of pool time, Gina, Jean and I fancied a bit of shop time, while mum just fancied a bit of walk time – clearly conditioned after years of walking holidays with dad. So we split up as Gina, Jean, mum and I headed to the strip for some bargain hunting.

After much bag research by Mum and a 5-euro towel was bought by Gina, we returned to the hotel to join Lauren Helen and Natalie by the pool.

Mum and Jean are now in the room having coffee and cake, Gina’s reading the her Kobo, Natalie is looking at selfies and I’m debating having an apple…

Tonight we are thinking cocktails and Pinocchio’s for dinner, but I’ll fill you in on what drama ensues tomorrow, adios!

Day two


So, it’s day two of the hen do!

Last time we spoke I was debating the very important decision of eating an apple. After much deliberation I can confirm that I did in fact eat said apple back at the room. Helen joined me for some general chilling and chat before she had a shower and Lauren and Natalie returned from the pool. We then all enjoyed analysing the day’s photos before getting ready to ayt ayt.

Outfits chosen, hair straightened and fresh deodorant applied we went on the balcony for some pre outage shots. Here, we were photo bombed by the cute hotel cat that seemed considerably cuter before Lauren raised the question whether of not he had fleas…

We then headed down to reception to meet Mum, Jean and Gina, before making our way to the Golden Corner for cocktails. Not wanting to waste any drinking time, Natalie ordered both a Sex on the Beach and a Blue Paradise, while we all stuck to one, including Jean who despite not normally drinking went for a Pina Colada… Thanks to Lanzarote’s Papa S style measures, it wasn’t long before we were all starting to feel ever so slightly tipsy. In fact Mum and Jean were so tipsy, I was starting to worry whether or not we’d get them to dinner. Luckily with sensible Helen around, we managed to get them to Pinocchio’s, where to my delight the hot waiter remembered me from our last visit… to my slightly less delight, he remembered me for my love of ketchup. He then preceded to call me Ketchup Girl and give me the largest bottle of ketchup he could find…but I wasn’t complaining as it was bloody good ketchup.

We then all had a good munch and soaked up a bit of the holiday booze, before wandering back to the hotel. Natalie and I went on to have a v cute sleepover style chat in our sofa bed before realising that we’d now actually been awake for 24 hours so maybe we’d better call it a night.

After a v cozy sleep, I awoke typically early and headed out for a little holiday run. When I returned the troops had awoke and mum said she fancied a walk so off we headed out again. This time I only managed half way before I started to feel a little hungry, so I left mum to continue her walk and I ran back to the ranch. By the time I got back, the troops were dressed and ready. So after helping Jean with her crossword, a little WiFi action and a quick change we all walked down to the shops for some bag shopping!

Our trip was most successful; thanks to some skilled bartering from Mum and Jean with us all coming away with a Michael Kors bag. Helen, Jean, Lauren and Natalie then went back to the room for lunch, while Mum, Gina and I fancied some sushi, so we made our way back up the strip for some fishy fun.

Lunch eaten and a little complimentary Champagne later, we went back to the room to find the rest of the gang asleep by the pool. Gina decided to join them while Mum and I went to bathe in the beach.

Mum has now just had her second swim and is reading a copy of Prima while I’m now debating having a little nap… I’ll let you know the outcome tomorrow. Ciao!

Day Three


Day three of the hen party!

So, last time I was here I was debating having a nap. I can now confirm that I didn’t have a nap as when mum emerged from the pool, we got into another long chat before heading back to the hotel. When we returned, Mum went for her daily coffee and cake date in Jean’s room, while I went back to the room for a much-needed shower.

Lauren, Helen, Natalie and I then enjoyed some Lanzarote snacks, before getting our glad rags on for the eve. There was a little kerfuffle choosing Lauren something to wear, but she soon realised everything went with her beautiful veil and wedding sash so settled on a hot pink skirt and black top. A few stair and pool pics later we went back to our favourite cocktail bar for some drinks which led to us again to all getting slightly tipsy, which again led to some deep lovey dovey conversation between all.

Worlds put to right; we walked back up to Pinocchio’s for dinner. Thankfully Helen again escorted the mum, so we all arrived in one piece. Sadly, we didn’t get quite as much attention as the previous night because they were all a little busy. We did get some dinner entertainment though, when the guy on the table in front proposed to his girlfriend! And luckily she did say yes. I then added to the entertainment being slightly tipsy as I punched, not one but two of the waiters…the reason why is a little long, but basically they were bad men!

We then went on the hunt for bars, which was a lot easier said than done.

The Goldilocks of hen parties, we were looking for somewhere that was just right… The first was too quiet, the second was too smelly and the third was just too old – although in the old ones defense, the band did stop to congratulate Lauren and played some wedding music, so we ended up having a drink there.

Feeling a good twenty years older, we decided to head somewhere else for some more lively tunes. On our travels I encountered a 6ft 7 giant, who for some reason felt the need to pick me up. Luckily, despite my mum’s worries he didn’t drop me and we made it to another club with more rocking music.

Unfortunately however, after just a couple of dances we got thrown out for not buying enough drinks. A little shouting from me later, we made an exit and took a drunken walk back to the hotel. Back at the hotel, Helen and I went to bed, while Lauren and Natalie enjoyed a bit of a late night natter.

The next morning, I got up for another little run before returning home for some brekie and WiFi action. Mum, Jean and I then set off for the market while Lauren, Helen, Gina and Natalie went to the beach. To get to the market we took a cute a little bus trip which suprinsgly came on time where it should! At the market we were pleasantly surprised with the selection of stalls and walked away with another two bags, T-shirts and some jewelry. Thankfully, the bus again came when it should and it we arrived home safely for some lunch.

Here, we were joined by Lauren and Gina who had enough sun and fancied a little shopping themselves. Never one to turn down shopping, I joined them and went back to the strip for some browsing. A couple more purchases later we all came back and showed off our different buys. We are now all getting ready for our final night…au revoir.

Day four


Day four and the hen party is no more!

So, after we last spoke, despite shopping on the first day, twice on the second and two times already on the third, I still felt like I could do with a little more. So Lauren, Helen, Natalie and I decided to get ready slightly earlier and head to the shops for some final spending. This proved again to be very successful with Lauren coming away with a bag, me with a necklace, ring and hair clip, Natalie with a bracelet and Helen with a ring. Final buys bought, we went for one final cocktail at our favourite bar, where we were joined by Mum, Jean and Gina. Before her drink mum wanted a photo outside her friend Mike Harper’s favourite bar, the Tiny bar, so, I took her down for a few snaps.

We then had the very short walk to our final meal of the holiday. As it was the last night we decided to go somewhere a little special, so we gave Pinocchio’s, a miss and went to this lovely seafood restaurant overlooking the beach. Here, not only did we get silver service and delicious food, but I also got yet another Lanzarote marriage proposal – that brought us to five for the entire holiday. After dinner we had some very ‘personal’ chat where I learnt things that I could probably have done without knowing about my mother.

Dinner eaten, we then hopped across the road for… Yes more shopping! Helen and I treated ourselves to friendship bracelets, Mum got some rings and Natalie got a willy key ring. Buys in tow, we moseyed back to the hotel, where we were invited to the bar for some complimentary hen party drinks.

Once we’d managed to consol the distraught barman, struggling to deal with Lauren getting married, we went back to the room to do some last minute packing and an early night. However, the early night didn’t quite happen as yet again we got into a deep chat and suddenly didn’t feel tired. Our tiredness further decreased when I discovered a cockroach in the bathroom, which despite my best efforts I couldn’t catch.

Around about 2ish we finally went to bed, only to rise again at 7am to get our transfer back to the airport. Thankfully, everything came when it should and before we knew it we were checked in and ready to go. We are now all safely on the plane all set to go home after the bestest of holidays. Now, it’s just time for the UK hen before the wedding!



One thought on “Lovely little Lauren’s Lanzarote Hen

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s